Saturday, April 20, 2024

Morning is the time when we are all alone... i feel alone at last.. everyone is sleeping.. just me and myself .. :) 

today i am 12 weeks old pregnant, there are so many things that i thought i would do but i didnt do much about it.. :(... like praying very specifically about my baby... although my husband kinda against it, he said we pray for the best of God that would give to us... dont pray like kinda mantra , chanting then God will give... 

SO i decided to just pray and let Him know my heart prayers.. :) 


my marriage life is so much more solitude than my singlehood.. my husband doesnt like to hang out with other people.. he likes to enjoy his alone time with me or his family.. but sometimes i really want to see other people too.. sometimes i felt its not fair :D.. but my bestfriends are leaving me. i dont know why

one of them due to his own problem. one of them leaving me when i started to conceive.. really dunno why... 

i have to admit i had a bad past .. im not a good person ... i really want to say goodbye to my past and started a new... ya sudah lah... mau gimana.. i cannot undone 


Saturday, October 8, 2022

 


Ak agak lelah sama spirit yang senang menjatuhkan orang lain... I know ,banyak orang kaya gt karena mereka sendiri butuh sekali pertolongan.. tapi terkadang cape sekali, I felt like always fighting for something is actually my right... 

aniway... aku selalu merasa, menulis itu benar2 membantu diriku meluruskan pikiranku yang terkadang seperti benang kusut di kepala. Tidak ada arahan, dan yang terasa hanya yang buruk buruk saja.. 

Menulis itu memberikan aku ruang untuk menumpahkan apa yang sebenarnya REAL di kepala ku. apa yang sebenarnya ada di dalam isi hatiku.. dan ga tercampur suara suara di luar sana yang membisik kan aku.. 

Aku sering lelah secara mental.. butuh sangat waktu untuk sendirian.. menikmati hariku.. pikiranku.. kesukaanku.. dan apa yang aku mau... 

aku rindu melancong, semenjak menikah, aku sulit melancong sembarangan seperti dahulu. apalagi nanti saat aku punya anak.. pasti hidupku penuh dengan aturan waktu disiplin dan tanggung jawab.. tapi itulah hidup.. tanpa aku menikah,dulu aku selalu merasa ada yang kurang.. kalau anak, aku memang mau walau aku takut akan tanggung jawabnya.. belum lagi anak ku juga punya suamiku, aku ga bisa semau mau ku, harus selalu acc suami ku juga to.. 

well, aku puas menumpahkan isi kepalaku hari ini... 

apakah ada yang baca? kalo baca, boleh komen? haha



Thursday, August 4, 2022

1st peter 2

I am very impressed by this chapter in the bible... it talks alot about most difficult part of me to implement in my life... when i read this, 1

So get rid of all evil and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.

2

And yearn like newborn infants for pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up to salvation,


I realized how toxic is my heart without the Lord. I dont know how i inherit those toxicity, i have seen so many kind non-malicious people, non slanderous, true and non envy people... even some of them are non christian, how am I still like this? therefore i am yearning for pure spiritual milk... needing of it so badly in my life.. begging the Lord please nurture me like a baby, i dont know this kind of heart still lives in me . 

**********

ending of the chapter, I found The Lord is speaking to me.. I found myself been so mean to people whose words are mean to me, and i tend to hurt people for my own benefit sake, for a few times.. and ive been living with that kind of regret.. on the other hand, i also left a lot of people who once being mean to me. I talk back being mean to them and look down on them... how i felt so regretful.. 

I dont know, but there are some kind of people that i just CANT get along, i just cant blend, i just dont get their heart.. i dont find them being kind or whatever... well.. i should just follow christ like ... He is amazing ... He bore my sins, in His body, didnt retaliate anything.. how i wish I can be just like HIm .

22

He committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth.

23

When he was maligned, he did not answer back; when he suffered, he threatened no retaliation, but committed himself to God who judges justly.

24

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may cease from sinning and live for righteousness. By his wounds you were healed.

Sunday, December 26, 2021

2022

 In my Darkest time, Your Light will SHINE.. 


We dont know when our time comes.. the time when we face our dark moments... 

the time when we are hurt by other people.. and the time when we fall in love...


We dont know when our heart is in need of God sometimes.. thats why we pray... we tell Him, we are in need of Him even in the peak of our lives.. 

This moment of CHristmas, His Light shines upon our soul.. the dark gloomy heart has been lightened up.. we have HOPE which is in Christ. 


Fear is inevitable. but Faith is always there for us to grasp. 

in ending.. all I have to say is.. 
Lord, please more of YOU in 2022. amen

Monday, July 12, 2021

Indonesian Crazy Fried Rice

 Crazy Fried Rice. 

Ingridients: 
4 clove of garlic
4 clove of red onion ( small ones)
2 pcs of candlenut/ kemiri ( its ok if you dont have one )
3 pcs of chilli chopped
1-2 pc of beef brastwut sausage
2 pcs of eggs
3 bowl of white rice

mash together:
4 clove of garlic
4 clove of red onion ( small ones)
2 pcs of candlenut/ kemiri ( its ok if you dont have one )

Heat vegetable oil 
put inside all the mash ingridient + chopped chilly
until it smells really good, put aside. 

Sautee beef sausage, and egg ( make it scramble )
Put in the mash ingridients 
Stir, when all seems cooked, 
Put in white rice ( 2-3 bowls / accordingly) 
Stir till all mixed

Put in 2 tbs of Soy Sauce
1 tbs of sweet sauce
2 tbs of tomato sauce
chicken powder stock
and salt ( accordingly) 



Sunday, July 11, 2021

Simple Chicken Nabe Soup

 Chicken Nabe Soup


Very Easy comforting soup. 

Sautee 200 gr Chicken thigh with 4 clove of garlic and chopped ginger. 
put aside the chicken when half cooked. 
Put aside the chicken only
Put inside chopped mushroom inside the pan
sautee until brown ( so mushroom flavour will come out ) 
Put back the chicken inside 
Pour 200ml of milk and stir
Pour in 300ml of water 
Put inside vegetables ( usually Chinese cabbage) 
Put inside Water tofu

Put inside
chicken stock powder
salt accodingly. 

* You can put any vegetables you like actually, My version ( in this picture ) since i dont have Chinese cabbage is that i put in mushroom, tofu, beansprout and a little bit of bokchoy :D *





Saturday, July 10, 2021

Boncinno July 2021

Some dreams never change :D. 
since im 10 year old, now 36 years old. 
Really hope my creation could be appreciated financially :D

I have no idea how to market it. Only know creating simple somthing ... 








Egg Tofu Omelete


 Simple Cooking 

Egg Tofu Omelete. 

At home, i only have some frozen chickenbreast, egg and japanese tofu. 
I always try to create healthy simple food that I can cook fast yet delicious. 
I will write it down here, so I wont forget 

2 eggs whip in a bowl
Japanese tofu ( i used half portion ) or just put accordingly
1 1/2 table spoon of Soy Sauce
1/2 table spoon of sesame oil
and sprinkles of mushroom broth powder ( or chicken or beef powder will do )
* put everything in a bowl and whip it together

Put olive oil in non sticking pan
Pour on the omelete on in
Pour on green onions .. 
wait until 3 minutes or so... and flip it 

wait on 3 minutes again. then serve



Monday, June 15, 2020

It has always been grace

There is a saying... the Lord is faithfull.. even when we are faithless...

When I read my previous blogs.. and i can remember the whole moments when i wrote those.. i realized i was so messed up in my soul...

I tried so hard to feel secure in life... feel OK with life.. but i wasnt...

I felt judged the whole life.. and pushed to be perfect at all time.. i have so much fear of some people that will overwhelm me to be who they want me to be.

Im tired of being pushed...

there are things in life... i didnt know why it happens in the beginning.. but now it all makes sense...

my heart knows well.. that He is kind to me..
He has a plan. a perfect one for me

all my life... even until now.. I have so much to do list...
But i feel im enough..
im not pushed anymore.. and the person that pushed me so much now, fear of losing me...
because there is someone else who loves me for who i am...

The rough path we go thru, isnt meant for us to be bitter... or to be proud of what we have achieved now...

those paths is for us to build empathy... understanding , love and kindness for others.

People will not feel blessed by us bragging our pride ( read: wealth and achievements)

They feel blessed by us sharing life.

in the end.... or even now...
it has always been Ok....



Saturday, June 15, 2019

Malachi 3:10 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. Mark 2 1 A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2 They gathered in such large numbers that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. John 10:10 … I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 15:1"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5 "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. Mark 2 22And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins.” When There is Jesus... There will be abundance.. He is not a God who is "just to get by" kinda God. He wears the best linen of His time. its so clear that He came to gave us life.. an abundant life. Many people perceived the verse as in for other things than financial. I believe it is. but He wont let us always be a "striving financially Christian". or a mediocre when we can be the BEST . but it is also our JOB to be the VESSEL or the NEW WINE CASE... always be ready to renew ourselves.. ready to change... ready to receive...



Monday, May 27, 2019

I have asked the Lord and He spoke to me . clearly.

Galatians 1 : 1 
........Bukan karena manusia, juga bukan oleh seorang manusia, melainkan oleh Yesus Kristus dan Allah, Bapa, yang telah membangkitkan Dia dari antara orang mati.

segala kepusingan aku mengenai hal hal duniawi... ketakutan aku akan hal hal duniawi yang akan datang.. dapat kuserahkan kepada Tuhan. bukan hanya itu... tp dengan percaya kepada kebenaran bahwa... memang segala sesuatu dari awalnya datang itu bukan karena manusia. kami di jadikan sampe sekarang ini segala langkah kami berawal dari oleh Yesus Kristus. dan ke depan nya dapat kami percayakan kepada Yesus kristus dengan guidance dan iman kepadaNya. 

"......kasih karunia menyertai kamu dan damai sejahtera dari Allah, Bapa kita, dan dari Tuhan Yesus Kristus"

Paulus berbicara kepada jemaat di gereja galatia. tp juga kepadaku. aku dapat mempercayakan imanku kehidupan masa depanku kepada kasih karunia Tuhan Allahku. Intervensi dari Nya pertolongan dari Nya yang membuat ku tenang dan tetap berjalan di air yang tenang. 

4 who gave himself for our sins to rescue us from the present evil age,according to the will of our God and Father, 5 to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Kasih karunia Tuhan ... Dia mati di kayu salib supaya kita ini terlepas dari kehidupan jahat dunia... dan sudah terbukti selama aku hidup. Dia selalu melindungi aku dari yang jahat.... bahkan ketika aku complain akan keputusan2 DIa .. tetap Dia memperlihatkan aku.. bahwa aku ini di lindungi DIa... 
ujungnya pasti untuk kemuliaan Tuhan.

1:6Aku heran, bahwa kamu begitu lekas berbalik dari pada Dia, yang oleh kasih karunia Kristus telah memanggil kamu, dan mengikuti suatu injil lain,
1:7yang sebenarnya bukan Injil. Hanya ada orang yang mengacaukan kamu dan yang bermaksud untuk memutarbalikkan Injil Kristus.

Aku pun heran betapa cepatnya aku ketakutan akan hal buruk yang akan terjadi padaku. atau iman yang gampang goyah... dan cepat banget aku tidak percaya lagi dengan iman yang telah kudapatkan dahulu kala.. 

dan mengikuti injil yang lain: mengikuti norma dunia... terkadang ini yang menjadi batu sandungan aku. ada norma norma dunia yang aku terapkan dalam kehidupan cinta aku... yang sebenarnya membebankan orang yang kita kasihi.. omongan omongan orang yang mengacaukan aku ... yang kemungkinan harusnya aku sabar menanti tapi aku jadi kacau balau... karena norma yang sebenarnya bukanlah firman Tuhan. 

pilah yang mana yang kebenaran. yang mana norma manusia. jangan sampe menjadi sebuah kebenaran. 

Tuhan itu out of the box.... memiliki anugrah dan keajaiban masing masing karena itu berjalanlah dalam iman dan pengharapan kepada DIA... dan LOOK UP TO HIM.... and you will see wonders of His majesty. 
I am very grateful that im facing plenty of problem . That it require me to fear of the Lord and to dilligently pray once again

i believe i am on track. just that i need to love Jesus more.. by relying on Him

with this blog i wanted to say it firm that I will just pray and let God.

I am scared of losing... but im also vr stress

i will not decide on anything. and just let Him alone...

amen

Sunday, December 9, 2018

n i c o d e m u s

i am very impressed with this man of God. This is actually an old revelation that i felt proud of.. Because it is amazing and no other people really talk about it... HA!!!


Love this man named Nicodemus. A respected religious man who is hunger for the truth. He didnt conform with his society and his status as a pharisee, but he walks and talks because of the truth.


When he met Jesus discreetly, Jesus's responds wasnt so nice also...

but as i read more in the bible and in wikipedia..he is very amazing.. he dared to challenge the court that Jesus has the right to be heard before the judge.

i think he was the only guy who has the gut to at least speak out to the court for Jesus.

also, when Jesus was dead.. he assisted Joseph from arimmatea to help him take his body .
according to historian, he was a wealthy man, he brought myyrh and aloes yang banyak sekali ...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicodemus

I want to start to learn about more bible characters who had an amazing life and faith in God

Saturday, December 8, 2018

p u r e l o v e

When choosing a life partner.. checklist, standards etc will fall apart when it comes to love.. As many as people giving me a lot of advices on logics rather than love, it is the substance of love that i have been searching for these whole life.

my heart couldnt choose without love.

my heart has no choice where love exist.


Dear you,

my gift of Christmas.

I know I am wrong. I am sorry that i love you. I am sorry that i care for you, that you has lost a pure friendship from me. Seeing how innocent and pure you are about us, is a pain and peace at the same time.

Listening to you, seeing you getting stronger each day is my joy and my treasure. Your sadness become my sadness, your comfort become my goal, your future becomes my prayers.

maybe this is pure love,

not asking you to be mine, but loving  you for who you are.

facilitating freedom that you seek.

supporting your heart prayers and desires.

I would like to be a home for you

and my prayers is that...

maybe someday....



Sunday, February 5, 2017

Purpose in Life - calledcourse - lesson 1

Purpose in Life

We have a general calling as a believer and specific calling in our life.

1. i have a call to live a holy life (1 thessalonians 4:7)
2. I have a call to know Jesus intimately
3. I have a call to forgive when we have been treated unfairly.
4. I have a call to live in freedom (gal 5:13)
5. To serve one another

I have a special specific calling in my life. And He will prepare the way for me. only I can walk the paths He lays out for me.

My calling is isnt about me. It is to established me in a strategic position for the sake of serving those around you in a powerful way to build God's kingdom.

Calling is not just for those who works for ministry. some people are called to be a consultant, and IT programmer, an accountant, and some are ministers.

When we live in our calling, we are not benefitting only for ourselves, but we glorify the Lord, His love and presence will always be with me and powerfully impacting so many lifes.

I am created on purpose for a purpose to do something.

but I need to know my primary identity


My primary identity is : I am a servant

if we dont have our primary identity, our calling will destroy us.

"what we do for ourselves dies with us, what we do for others is immortal" .



Discussion:

1. How does knowing that everyone has a calling, not just pastors and ministers, change the way you approach life?

I know about it, thats why im trying to learn to find out whats my specific calling in God.

2. Why is your primary identity to be a servant, regardless of the specific calling God gives you?
the opposite of a servant is a boss. if i have a bossy heart, or even a bossy attitude, how can my calling impacting others? it would be all about me. and the way i want it to be. and these ego and pride not just gonna destroy our calling and the main purpose of God's calling but also towards ourselves.

3. Why is the connection between identity and calling so important?
I cant build something big if myself is so limited

4. What has God already told you about your specific calling?
i am not so sure on this. but what i know , i am fruitful in business as a childrenwear fashion business entrepreneur.

5. What steps are you taking to walk or grow in your specific calling?
i dont know,  if its impactful towards others... im not sure about what i hear from God







Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Vision 2017 sermon

Notes:


If we look back 2016, have it been a better year than before in terms of personal life improvements?
Did your plans/goals/resolution for 2016 that you made at the beginning of 2016 all fulfilled?

Every year God has amazing plans for us. 
In Jeremiah 29:11 God said that His plan is always to prosper us and not to harm us.
Prosperity in here includes all aspects: spiritual, emotional and physical
But you should know that the principals is the spiritual always rule over the physical. Not vice versa.
Thats why God always first care about our relationship with Him above all else and we should too.

If you want to be more productive, more fruitful, more successful, more patient, more loving, more everything except the fat. And less stressful, less weight, less worry, less lazy, etc
The key is the relationship with God.

When we focus on this one thing every morning, your life will be different. And it will be almost effortless because God’s power will work in & through you.

This is exactly what David did throughout his life. If there is one thing about him that we ought to learn is this: he was a man after God’s own heart. And in Psalm 1 is his life principle, his main activity everyday

Lets learn what David wrote here and I pray that all of us here made this the priority for 2017.
And we’ll also pray for more specific directions.

Go through Psalm 1.
V3 is the vision. Verse 1 & 2 are the steps.
If you follow the process of verse 1 & 2, at the end of 2017 this is exactly what you're gonna be like.
So simple. Its not 100 things to do. Not even 10. God's way is actually so simple.
Just by following these simple steps and you’ll get to the point where you will be prosperous in all you do.

David went from a shepherd boy to became one of the greatest king in history and even Jesus was born in his line of descendant.
So now you can be sure that it does not matter where you start from, if you just follow these steps, you’ll arrive at the highest point of your life.
You’ll be able to make the best of 2017 and it will be the best year so far. 
Why? Because Words of God is powerful. If you truly follow these steps, you’ll be transformed.
Amen?

Here are the steps
v1 
Identify & Filter negative sources out of your life: 
- Wicked => someone who walking away from God.
Example: someone said don't be too serious become christian, you will become poor. Even though this advice was given with good intentions but don't listen. Maybe that person thought he was giving a good advice for you. Because we love him, we show appreciation for his good intentions. But don’t let that advice take root in your heart.
"Never anyone walk outside of God plans and find a better way or more suitable than God's plans”
Someone told me: yeah following God is good but its hard, its not fun, etc
“God’s will is always Good, Pleasing & Perfect” Romans 12:2
Identify these negative thoughts, probably these are the very things that has been a hindrance to our growth.
“You can’t do it”, “You’ll fail”, “What if you fail”, etc

- Sinners => everyone are or were sinners but this means the patterns that produces sin “Do not stand on their path”. We should not imitate their ways, don’t even get involved in their “circle”
- mockers => despising instructions, mock leaders, tend to look down at others. Gossiping others. Don’t waste time spending time with them.

There’s a saying, "if you want to know what a person’s future like, you can see from his friends”
If you spend time with people overtime you will be influenced with them. Their thoughts became your thoughts, their values became your values. So change any negative community to godly community. 
Brothers and sisters, I’m not teaching you to leave this world and go live in the mountains where there is no one there. God teaches us to love sinners but hate sin. We must make friends with people to be able to influence them with God’s love. But we also need to minimize the negative influences from the world and surround our lives with people that has positive influence to us.

What if these people are our own relative or family members? 
Ask for God’s wisdom. Keep good relationships and appreciate their good intentions and show them love, but make decision in your heart that you will not be influenced. God will definitely help you.
<Example

V2 Prioritize to experience Christ daily.
Delight => The Relationship. The affection, the WHY
Meditate day and night => The ritual/activities, the WHAT

The WHY is always above the WHAT.
The WHY have both rational or irrational. Actually, the irrational will play much more important role than the rational in terms of to keep you going. Illustration: Piano player. => Both the end result & the love for playing piano, but mostly because of the love for piano.

For most people when you are given a set of rules and regulation, you’re either just okay with it or dislike it.
But almost no one will delight like David, celebrate it. This is irrational. How come? Because he found the WHY.
He found God’s heart of WHY God gave the law. He was known to be a man after God’s heart. He was known to be the man who dwells in God’s presence day by day.
There he found God’s very heart. The feeling and power inside God’s presence is something beyond words can explain.

And being / dwelling in God’s presence my brothers and sisters, is the most important for us. Its our true habitat as God’s children.
Its not something like bursts. But it should be like a process that takes us deeper and deeper rooted in God.
You may study bible and becomes very knowledgable but if you don’t have relationship with God in your heart, you’ll be just like another Pharisee.
So the WHY, the Delight, the Relationship is very important and it has to be the first aim everyday.

The WHAT / the Activity: Meditating day and night
The first thing is Daily Devotion. We have thought the WINNS system to you before so please look over them again

Meditating day and night is talking about consistency. Its talking about activities based on Words of God.
Its talking about small steps that we must take daily. Know when to work and Know when to rest

But now I want to tell you a story to illustrate this truth: The 20 Mile March. Amundsen & Scott
Sometimes there are bursts in life. Like catching up for the exam or there is a big project or overtime work. But it should be only 10-20% of the time, not all the time. Such as once a week.
Otherwise that means lack of resource management.
The rest of the time should be well planned and in consistent progression.
Remember: More work does not always mean more results.

Work with accuracy/effective and rest in a balanced way, will produce a much greater results.

Example: Commit how many hours a week for this or that. Make the schedule and count the hours. 
Then test the schedule, evaluate, and revise until you find the best fit.
Do not commit to too many things. Focus on the most essential things in life. 
How do we decide?
- According to Word of God and according God’s vision & gifts in your life. You don’t have to be able to do everything. Do the best on your part & trust God for the rest.
- Counsel from trusted mature godly people who knows your life (you must be open about your life)

By Zenko

Friday, December 30, 2016

Teach me how to pray

Teach me how to pray.


Our God, The Father who owns the heaven is a person. He is here as a person with us in form of the holy spirit.

praying for me is like finding Him and fellowshipping. Sharing my heart to Him, knowing He is there to listen and understand my heart.

One verse that gives me confidence in finding Him, is "draw near to me and I will draw near to you". I am lazy to finding Him feeling afraid that He will tell me that I am wrong here . and wrong there. but as i read more in the bible... He is not like that. He is not a father we all see in this world. He is a father who loves us. His love cant be comprehend with our human mind.

He is a father we never have. even if you have a perfect father, your human dad is just a glimpsed of who HE is.

Bible says "psalm27:10 : though my Father and Mother forsake me, He took me in".

I dont know who you are reading my blog. but i can assure you... that He wants to take you in, as His child. He loves you, and He has what is best for you, you can ask HIm, might not be what you want ... but you can trust HIm..

I have walked with Jesus for past 15 years. i have sets of disappointments of not getting what i want in life. but I said to Him, that I will still walk with Him and trust Him no matter what happened in life. I realize every "short-term" dissapointments turns out to be for my good ... and now i'm 31 years old. theres none of my dissapointment journeys actually is a dissapointment. All of it turns out to be for my good and my benefit... I can only see all this backward... and so thankful to HIm.

and the greatest thing is, all of it.... makes me understand Him even more... knowing Him as a father.. whom i cant see ... but i can feel and know His love for me.

the journey of my walk with God is the realization of this verse
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

And through all the bad journeys... I can see His trails of His protections... never once He forsake me. WHen i shouted that He is not helping me. When i threatened Him to leave HIm. WHen i cursed HIm in my heart. None of the above bothering Him or keeping HIm from loving me.. 

How can I not be thankful to Him. 

Friends, He is a real God... He is a real Father... If He loves me, He loves you too.... 

what we need to do is to welcome HIm... no matter how dirty we are.. maybe we are addicted to pornography, or drugs... or sex.. or alcohol... we can come to Him and ask Him for help. 

Jesus taught us the prayer "our father in heaven" as the first sentence in the Lords prayer. now I understand why He put that sentence at the beginning of the prayer.

Everytime, i wanna talk to someone i love or i care, I will call his / her name with gentle heart and voice.. asking him to come and listen to me.

and that is Him. He listens.. He loves... and He also disciplines.. discipline could be painful... but discipline will guide our life.. to gain understanding could cost our life (proverbs 4)... but only understanding coud guide our life...

So come to Him. He is there for you.. with you... and never forsake you


Thursday, November 10, 2016

Mean girls

Okay, Ive been known as a girl with not much complaints. Known as a kind sweet girl to strangers, but it doesnt mean that no one ever be mean to me.

I dont think you will read this blog of mine, bitch.


One of the most people i couldnt stand, is mean people. Usually girls become mean out of jealousy.

When someone is mean.. either the person realized or dont realized it, it is the victim who feels things.

I dont know why, some girls ... strangers or , acquaintances not even friends... could ever be so mean to me...

I have no idea, why they hated me so much... i take it as jealousy.

They could bitch me in public for being nice to others...

I have this eery feeling or maybe fear everytime i see that (few) people. even thou she is now happily not more jealous of me and have something that they have been longing for.

Now these people could suddenly greet me without memory of being a bitch .

in the end... they were wondering why i do not want to be their friend anymore...

when they realize that i was hurt by their actions, they will kindly defense themselves for being ignorant and i was too sensitive.....

Yes, we sometimes meet wrong people.


Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Masa lalu

Paling senang kalau bisa berdamai dengan masa lalu . hampir Semua film menunjukkan pertempuran oleh dikarenakan seseorang atau banyak tidak dapat berdamai dengan masa lalu.

Terkadang bukan masalah karena diri tidak dapat berdamai. Tetapi ini memang hidup. Hidup itu penuh tantangan, dan tantangan terbesar dalam hidup biasa nya adalah untuk berteman dengan masa lalu. Karena masa lalu memang sudah hilang dan tidak ada, tapi jejak dan sisa nya sering kali jelas masih hidup di dalam diri seseorang.

 Saat ini, saya bisa dengan lantang berkata saya sangat bahagia, karena jejak masa lalu yang buruk buruk sudah betul betul samar dan bisa di katakan punah. Jujur tidak ada yang saya lakukan untuk menghilangkan nya , saya hanya mengakui, berdoa dan membalikkan pikiran. Tidak ada kata maaf yang terlontar atau apapun. Saya hanya fokus akan apa yang harus saya fokuskan. selebihnya urusan Tuhan.

agak ngeri untuk dapat membayangkan apa yang masa lalu dapat lakukan kepada masa depan seseorang. tapi memang tidak usah di pikirkan.

Saya berkeputusan untuk seolah olah memandang orang sebagai seseorang yang baru. sekalipun dia ada di masa lalu. masa lalu terkadang seperti mimpi buruk yang di ingat kan kembali oleh seorang kawan lama.

Setiap orang memiliki cerita, cerita memang perlu di ingat. Tapi orang pasti berubah. Ketika seseorang telah berubah, barulah cerita lama yang buruk itu menjadi indah. karena itu saya berkeputusan untuk melihat seseorang seolah olah sudah berubah, sekalipun dia belum mau berubah.

*Nin

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas 2015

Today is Christmas day, I have wrapped up all parties on the 24th, so i am enjoying my quietness today alone at home with my sweet coffee.

I havent been writing since 2012. or since we all have the app called Instagram to be exact. Picture does represent a thousand words.

I do miss writing :). i am not actually a very good writer. i am a moody writer. I could only write when i am on the mood of writing.

I did write a lot when i was in college. and i stupidly wrote it all in multiply. didnt even store anything on document files. now it alllll gonnneeeee....

Usually we all do 2 things to welcome a new year.

1. review the previous year
2. planning the new year.

today i am in the mood to write for my new year. and a lil bit of what i feel on 2015

I have so much plan to do in my head. but i havent write it down in a blueprint. it is hard ey... to write your head on a paper.

this year is the very first year, i feel very much at rest... its like.. one of the most remarkable year . i feel so much at ease and peace about myself and my life. and I think i have become the person I always wanted to become. i am loved. I am very blessed.

i dont know whats gonna happen on 2016. He says that 2016 is the year of restoration. but i will not bombarded my faith anymore like i used to do. coz i am very easy to loose my faith everytime people has mean comments to me. so i better shut up and enjoy my life.

This blog will be a private blog... i will have to consistently do another blog for my boncinno children wear brand

i literally have no idea on what to write on the blog.

so ... :)

Merry Christmas