Morning is the time when we are all alone... i feel alone at last.. everyone is sleeping.. just me and myself .. :) 

today i am 12 weeks old pregnant, there are so many things that i thought i would do but i didnt do much about it.. :(... like praying very specifically about my baby... although my husband kinda against it, he said we pray for the best of God that would give to us... dont pray like kinda mantra , chanting then God will give... 

SO i decided to just pray and let Him know my heart prayers.. :) 

my marriage life is so much more solitude than my singlehood.. my husband doesnt like to hang out with other people.. he likes to enjoy his alone time with me or his family.. but sometimes i really want to see other people too.. sometimes i felt its not fair :D.. but my bestfriends are leaving me. i dont know why

one of them due to his own problem. one of them leaving me when i started to conceive.. really dunno why... 

i have to admit i had a bad past .. im not a good person ... i really want to say goodbye to my past and started a new... ya sudah lah... mau gimana.. i cannot undone 

 

Ak agak lelah sama spirit yang senang menjatuhkan orang lain... I know ,banyak orang kaya gt karena mereka sendiri butuh sekali pertolongan.. tapi terkadang cape sekali, I felt like always fighting for something is actually my right... 

aniway... aku selalu merasa, menulis itu benar2 membantu diriku meluruskan pikiranku yang terkadang seperti benang kusut di kepala. Tidak ada arahan, dan yang terasa hanya yang buruk buruk saja.. 

Menulis itu memberikan aku ruang untuk menumpahkan apa yang sebenarnya REAL di kepala ku. apa yang sebenarnya ada di dalam isi hatiku.. dan ga tercampur suara suara di luar sana yang membisik kan aku.. 

Aku sering lelah secara mental.. butuh sangat waktu untuk sendirian.. menikmati hariku.. pikiranku.. kesukaanku.. dan apa yang aku mau... 

aku rindu melancong, semenjak menikah, aku sulit melancong sembarangan seperti dahulu. apalagi nanti saat aku punya anak.. pasti hidupku penuh dengan aturan waktu disiplin dan tanggung jawab.. tapi itulah hidup.. tanpa aku menikah,dulu aku selalu merasa ada yang kurang.. kalau anak, aku memang mau walau aku takut akan tanggung jawabnya.. belum lagi anak ku juga punya suamiku, aku ga bisa semau mau ku, harus selalu acc suami ku juga to.. 

well, aku puas menumpahkan isi kepalaku hari ini... 

apakah ada yang baca? kalo baca, boleh komen? haha

1st peter 2

I am very impressed by this chapter in the bible... it talks alot about most difficult part of me to implement in my life... when i read this, 1

So get rid of all evil and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.

2

And yearn like newborn infants for pure, spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up to salvation,

I realized how toxic is my heart without the Lord. I dont know how i inherit those toxicity, i have seen so many kind non-malicious people, non slanderous, true and non envy people... even some of them are non christian, how am I still like this? therefore i am yearning for pure spiritual milk... needing of it so badly in my life.. begging the Lord please nurture me like a baby, i dont know this kind of heart still lives in me . 

**********

ending of the chapter, I found The Lord is speaking to me.. I found myself been so mean to people whose words are mean to me, and i tend to hurt people for my own benefit sake, for a few times.. and ive been living with that kind of regret.. on the other hand, i also left a lot of people who once being mean to me. I talk back being mean to them and look down on them... how i felt so regretful.. 

I dont know, but there are some kind of people that i just CANT get along, i just cant blend, i just dont get their heart.. i dont find them being kind or whatever... well.. i should just follow christ like ... He is amazing ... He bore my sins, in His body, didnt retaliate anything.. how i wish I can be just like HIm .

22

He committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth.

23

When he was maligned, he did not answer back; when he suffered, he threatened no retaliation, but committed himself to God who judges justly.

24

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may cease from sinning and live for righteousness. By his wounds you were healed.

2022

 In my Darkest time, Your Light will SHINE.. 

We dont know when our time comes.. the time when we face our dark moments... 

the time when we are hurt by other people.. and the time when we fall in love...

We dont know when our heart is in need of God sometimes.. thats why we pray... we tell Him, we are in need of Him even in the peak of our lives.. 

This moment of CHristmas, His Light shines upon our soul.. the dark gloomy heart has been lightened up.. we have HOPE which is in Christ. 

Fear is inevitable. but Faith is always there for us to grasp. 

in ending.. all I have to say is.. 
Lord, please more of YOU in 2022. amen

Indonesian Crazy Fried Rice

 Crazy Fried Rice. 

Ingridients: 
4 clove of garlic
4 clove of red onion ( small ones)
2 pcs of candlenut/ kemiri ( its ok if you dont have one )
3 pcs of chilli chopped
1-2 pc of beef brastwut sausage
2 pcs of eggs
3 bowl of white rice

mash together:
4 clove of garlic
4 clove of red onion ( small ones)
2 pcs of candlenut/ kemiri ( its ok if you dont have one )

Heat vegetable oil 
put inside all the mash ingridient + chopped chilly
until it smells really good, put aside. 

Sautee beef sausage, and egg ( make it scramble )
Put in the mash ingridients 
Stir, when all seems cooked, 
Put in white rice ( 2-3 bowls / accordingly) 
Stir till all mixed

Put in 2 tbs of Soy Sauce
1 tbs of sweet sauce
2 tbs of tomato sauce
chicken powder stock
and salt ( accordingly) 

Simple Chicken Nabe Soup

 Chicken Nabe Soup

Very Easy comforting soup. 

Sautee 200 gr Chicken thigh with 4 clove of garlic and chopped ginger. 
put aside the chicken when half cooked. 
Put aside the chicken only
Put inside chopped mushroom inside the pan
sautee until brown ( so mushroom flavour will come out ) 
Put back the chicken inside 
Pour 200ml of milk and stir
Pour in 300ml of water 
Put inside vegetables ( usually Chinese cabbage) 
Put inside Water tofu

Put inside
chicken stock powder
salt accodingly. 

* You can put any vegetables you like actually, My version ( in this picture ) since i dont have Chinese cabbage is that i put in mushroom, tofu, beansprout and a little bit of bokchoy :D *

Boncinno July 2021

Some dreams never change :D. 
since im 10 year old, now 36 years old. 
Really hope my creation could be appreciated financially :D

I have no idea how to market it. Only know creating simple somthing ...